Walking out of church last Sunday, I met a friend I hadn’t seen in awhile. He told me he’s been recovering from heart surgery. He’s also a regular reader of this blog, and he asked me to write about something he’s been struggling with during his healing process. He said he’s having a hard time ASKING FOR HELP and thought there may be others who have the same challenge.
As I reflected on the 174 messages I’ve created over the last four years, I realized I’ve never written about that subject. I came to the conclusion that the reason I have not shared a message on asking for help is because I’m not good at it either.
What about you? Can you say…I need help?
Unfortunately, I think most leaders are better at helping than being helped. It feels good to be the one who reaches down to help someone up. Sure, we get exhausted from time to time. It takes a lot of energy being “the one” who gets it done; but in our society, the hero is the one who does the rescuing.
Over the last few days, I’ve spent a lot of time thinking and praying about why I don’t ask for help more often. I wondered if it was because I’m too proud to ask for support, too stubborn to let someone else help me, embarrassed to ask because I can’t do what needs to be done, afraid that the person would say “no” or that my request might make someone uncomfortable. I know I can find evidence where all those answers could be correct.
I’m also sure I could spend hours with a trained therapist and discover the root cause of my issue buried deep inside an experience I had during my childhood. However, I really think the main reason I’m not good at asking for help now is because I hardly ever do it. The solution to my problem is simply stepping outside my comfort zone and saying “I need help” to more people more often.
If you have no issue with asking for help, I admire you. I really believe the real heroes in our world are the ones who can ask for help when dealing with a major or minor crisis. It takes a strong, confident and courageous person to reach out for someone to lean on when they’re struggling with a problem.
I want to be a role model for the people I work with, live with and serve that excels when it comes to helping and being helped. So I’ve put this quote from John Wooden up in my office as a reminder of what I need to start doing more often:
“If we recognize that we are imperfect, we ask for help and we will pray for the guidance necessary to bring positive results to whatever we are doing.”
No matter what we’re going through right now or what we may have to deal with tomorrow, learning to ask for help is essential to our health, happiness, well-being and productivity.
I also believe our relationship with God and the most important people in our world will improve dramatically when we develop the strength to humbly ask for what we need.
When do you need to say…”I need help!” and who do you need to say it to?
Let’s Get Better. Together! Bill Durkin
