Civility Belongs Here Article

Bill Durkin
Oct 25
6 min read

Updated: Oct 26

America is better when we work together — yet unhealthy conflict continues to divide our workplaces, families, and communities. Unresolved conflict doesn’t disappear; it spreads — fueling negativity, draining energy, and damaging relationships. But when leaders learn to turn conflict into connections, they ignite ripples of trust, teamwork, and civility that strengthen entire communities.

This article highlights the benefits of bringing together local leaders from businesses, nonprofits, and the community to learn the skills to resolve their own conflicts, coach others to do the same, and build a culture of civility that strengthens workplaces, families, and communities.

When leaders resolve conflicts the positive way, they bring out the best in everyone — restoring trust, strengthening relationships, and setting a powerful example that civility still matters.

“Civility is the cornerstone of progress. In every conversation, we can find common ground, strengthen relationships, and lay the foundation for a more inclusive, respectful, and productive workplace.” --- Emily Dickens, Chief of Staff, SHRM

FACING THE FACTS

Conflict is no longer an occasional disruption — it’s part of daily life. In workplaces, families, schools, and neighborhoods, disagreements too often turn toxic. Left unresolved, conflict spreads like a virus, weakening trust, morale, and mental health.

But when leaders model and teach positive conflict resolution, everything changes. Instead of division, conflict becomes a chance for growth. Instead of hostility, people with different points of view discover common ground.

That’s why leaders from business, government, and nonprofits need to come together to help each other make their workplaces, families, and communities more positive places to live and work.

THE TIME TO ACT IS NOW

CONFLICT IS ESCALATING.

Research shows rising workplace burnout, declining trust in institutions, and increased polarization. Local governments, businesses, and nonprofits are paying the price in turnover, disengagement, strained relationships, and a surge in mental health challenges among employees, young adults, and children.

AVOIDANCE IS COSTLY

Many leaders stay silent, hoping conflict will resolve itself. But avoidance sends the message that incivility is acceptable, allowing small tensions to grow into serious problems.

LEADERS SET THE EXAMPLE.

Everyone is watching how leaders resolve unhealthy conflicts. Unfortunately, most leaders are promoted for technical expertise, not conflict resolution skills. Without training, they fall back on instinct, often setting the wrong example.

Every unresolved conflict multiplies — spreading through workplaces, homes, and communities. But when leaders step forward to learn the skills and tools to resolve conflicts the positive way, they don’t just solve problems — they build bridges of trust and connection that bring out the best in everyone.

7 REASONS TRAINING LEADERS TRANSFORMS ORGANIZATIONS

1) LEADERS SHAPE CULTURE AND MULTIPLY IMPACT.

Culture isn’t built by posters — it’s built by people. When leaders model respect, resilience, and positive conflict resolution, they set the tone for everyone else. One leader’s influence can create better relationships in their team, family, and community.

2) CONFLICT IMPACTS COSTS AND PERFORMANCE.

Unresolved conflict silently drains time, money, and talent. It fuels turnover, absenteeism, and wasted meetings. But when leaders resolve conflict well, they transform tension into creativity, sharper decisions, and meaningful results.

3) LEADERS FACE THE TOUGHEST CONFLICTS

The toughest conflicts always find their way to a leader — whether between departments, with customers or citizens, or within their own team. With the right training and coaching, leaders can approach these high-stakes situations with confidence, courage, and compassion.

4) CONFLICT RESOLUTION REQUIRES PRACTICE

A job title doesn’t make anyone skilled at conflict resolution. Leaders get better at dealing with disagreements through deliberate practice, feedback, and coaching.

5) Leaders protect people’s well-being. LEADERS PROTECT PEOPLE'S WELL-BEING

Conflict isn’t just about performance; it takes a personal toll. It creates stress and resentment that spill over into families and communities. Leaders trained in positive conflict resolution protect both mental health and morale.

6) LEADERSHIP EXTENDS BEYOND THE WORKPLACE

Leaders are also parents, spouses, neighbors, and coaches. The same skills that strengthen workplaces also have a positive impact on homes, schools, and communities.

7) LEADERS BRIDGE DIVIDES ACROSS SILOS

Conflict often arises between departments or stakeholder groups that don’t fully understand each other. Leaders trained in resolution can bridge those divides, fostering collaboration and building lasting partnerships.

THE TRAINING INVESTMENT

Research shows that 94% of employees say they would stay longer at a company that invests in their development, while many leave when that investment is missing.

Yet most organizations still rely on a few one-time workshops or online courses. In fact, ATD research shows the average employee receives only 14 hours of training per year — not nearly enough to change behavior or build lasting habits.

Even more concerning: while the best companies provide coaching for their senior executives, only 5% of organizations offer coaching at every level of leadership. This leaves frontline and mid-level leaders — the people most often dealing with conflict — without the support they need to grow. However, these leaders have the greatest influence in every organization.

“Civility isn’t about being polite; it’s about bringing out the best in everyone, even when you disagree.”- Bill Durkin

Training all leaders to resolve conflict, rebuild trust, and help others grow, creates a climate where people feel safe, valued, and connected.

Organizations that invest in this kind of growth don’t just develop better leaders — they unlock the full potential of their people. The impact is felt everywhere: higher engagement at work, better relationships at home, and a greater sense of connection in the community.

Books and workshops can spark awareness, but lasting change comes from practice, coaching, and the courage to apply new skills in real-world situations. That’s where confidence and competence are developed, habits are formed, and meaningful results are produced.

It’s time to give leaders at every level the training and coaching they need to lay the foundation for healthier teams, stronger families, and more united communities.

“I absolutely believe that people, unless coached, never reach their maximum potential." - Bob Nardelli, Former CEO of Home Depot

THE POSITIVE COVERSATIONS PROCESS

At the core of our program is a simple, three-step process that turns conflict from a source of division into an opportunity for stronger relationships and better results:

1) FIND COMMON GROUND

In conflict, people naturally zero in on where they disagree. Leaders must flip that instinct and begin with common values, goals, and concerns.

The result: defensiveness drops, and trust grows as both sides talk about where they agree.

2) SEEK TO UNDERSTAND, NOT CONVINCE

Most conflicts escalate because each side is trying to “win the argument” with facts. But when emotions are high, facts don’t change someone’s mind. The real breakthrough comes when leaders pause, listen deeply, and ask questions that show genuine interest in the other person’s point of view.

The result: people feel heard and respected, which makes them far more open to collaboration.

3) CREATE NEW OPTIONS

The least creative way to handle conflict is to select “my way or your way.” Positive conversations allow leaders to work with others to create a third way — a solution that didn’t exist before the dialogue began.

The result: co-created solutions not only resolve today’s conflict, they prepare people to work together more effectively the next time challenges arise.

This process doesn’t just resolve conflict — it transforms it into a chance to build trust,

deepen relationships, and achieve better outcomes.

MORE THAN A WORKSHOP

Most training stops when the event is over. Leaders might enjoy a workshop, and increase their knowledge, but without practice and support, habits don’t change. Our program goes further by combining our workshop with structured follow-up:

Interactive Training – A fast-paced, interactive workshop where leaders learn new skills and practice — resolving conflicts, restoring civility, and leading positive conversations that bring out the best in everyone.

Follow-Up Coaching – Optional coaching sessions give leaders the chance to apply what they’ve learned, build new habits, and gain feedback on real relationship challenges.

Leadership Networking – When leaders from business, nonprofits, and local government learn together, they don’t just improve their own organizations — they build relationships that reduce unhealthy conflict, foster collaboration, and create a more civil community for everyone.

This combination ensures that leaders don’t just learn about resolving conflict the positive way — they begin to live it, in every conversation.

“The measure of a healthy community is not the absence of conflict, but the presence of leaders trained to resolve it the positive way.”- Bill Durkin

READY TO TAKE THE NEXT STEPS?

When you take part in this program, you’re investing in more than skills — you’re helping build a culture of respect that strengthens workplaces, families, and communities.

Civil conversations don’t happen by chance; they happen by choice — the choice to turn conflict into connection, one positive conversation at a time.

Every community needs more leaders who make that choice — especially during difficult conversations. Will you be one of them?