Over the past few weeks, we’ve been exploring practical ways we can reduce unhealthy conflict in our workplaces, families, and communities. Saying “You’re right” more often is another simple practice that can help. Not every unhealthy conflict begins with one big argument. Sometimes it grows from a lot of little disagreements repeated day after day. THE UNCONSCIOUS HABIT OF GOTCHA LISTENING Recently, I was coaching a couple when the wife mentioned a mutual friend and said she

Last week, I began a September series on Reducing Unhealthy Conflict with a simple idea: Handling disagreements and conflict in a healthy way is a skill, and like every skill, we can get better with practice. This week, let's practice becoming more forgiving. We all have people to forgive. A coworker who disappointed us. A friend who said something hurtful. A family member who let us down. Someone who made a mistake that had a negative impact on us. And sometimes, the person

Whenever people work together, there will be differences of opinion, competing priorities, misunderstandings, mistakes, personality differences, and disagreements about what should and shouldn’t happen. However, disagreement isn't the problem. How we handle it is. Too often, when tension first appears, we avoid the conversation. We hope the problem will go away, work itself out, or become easier to discuss later. Usually, it doesn't. Small frustrations grow and assumptions re

Successful professionals in any field, value preparation and practice with a coach or mentor. Attorneys prepare before entering the courtroom. Doctors spend years learning and practicing before treating patients independently. Musicians rehearse. Pilots train in simulators. Professional athletes don't simply show up on game day and hope they'll perform well. They spend hours studying film, receiving feedback, and working on the fundamentals of their game. Why? Because no mat

There is something most of us have in common when we pursue a challenging goal: Our brain often prefers what is comfortable and familiar over what is difficult and uncertain. That's not necessarily a flaw. Our brains are good at helping us conserve energy, recognize potential threats, and repeat familiar behaviors. But what feels comfortable today doesn't always help us create a better tomorrow. Making progress often requires people to do something different and move beyond t

The topics we share influence our emotions, shape our beliefs, strengthen or weaken our relationships, and gradually become the culture in our workplaces, families, and communities. Conversations Become Habits Researchers who study everyday conversations have found that most conversations revolve around topics that dominate our daily lives, including work, family, friends, health, relationships, food, money, and personal goals. Those conversations become our default settings

Imagine deciding to train for a marathon on the morning of the race. You've read books about endurance. You've studied proper running techniques. You've watched other people cross the finish line. But you've never actually trained your body to run twenty-six miles. We know how that race is likely to end. No one would expect to run a marathon without training. Yet too many people expect to deal with life's biggest challenges without developing their resilience. Resilience is o

The urge comes instantly. A team member walks into our office with a problem. A family member calls and complains about something. A friend shares a medical challenge. Before they finish their first couple sentences, and often before they've even asked for our advice, our brain has already produced solutions to their problem. We give advice because we care. We want to help. We want to reduce another person's stress, solve their problem quickly, and make life a little easier.

Every day, most leaders and family members spend far more time solving problems than creating positive experiences. We look for mistakes. We deal with conflict. We put out fires. Those responsibilities are essential. But if we're not careful, we can become so focused on what's wrong that we forget one of our most important responsibilities…helping people experience what's right. Over time, our conversations become dominated by correction instead of encouragement, criticism in

We have never been more connected.  With a few taps on our phones we can text a friend, join a video meeting across the world, post photos for hundreds of people, or reconnect with someone we haven't seen in years. Technology has given us opportunities our grandparents could never have imagined. Yet many of us have never felt more alone. The U.S. Surgeon General has warned that loneliness and social isolation have become serious public health challenges. Despite living in th