- Mar 27
- 3 min read
March Madness is here.
Every year, millions of brackets are filled out, even by people who don’t follow college basketball. Why? Because of the drama. The buzzer beaters. The thrill of victory and the agony of defeat.
The outcome of many of these games is determined by players making or missing free throws.
And if we watch closely, we’ll notice something in those high-pressure moments.
The best players don’t rush. They pause at the free throw line and take a deep breath.
They feel the pressure. Their hearts are racing. The crowd is loud. And if they rush...if they react while feeling anxious...they decrease their chances of success.
Pausing to take a deep breath calms their nervous system and helps them perform at their best when their best is needed. And there’s something else to observe.
Great players follow a process.
Every time they step to the line, they do the same thing. They pause. They take a breath. And they have a routine like dribbling the ball three times. Why? Because that process creates consistency, calm, and focus when the pressure is highest.
Players develop this habit in practice. By the time we watch them in a game, they’ve repeated that process thousands of times. So, when they get fouled and the pressure is at its peak, they’re ready to perform at their best.
Now think about our role as a leader.
We all face moments when we're under pressure, especially when we're trying to resolve conflict during a difficult conversation at work or at home.
When someone voices a complaint, criticism, or negative comment that triggers us, it can feel like we’ve been verbally fouled. And just like a player at the free throw line… that’s our opportunity to follow a better process.
When emotions rise, our brain shifts into the fight, flight, or freeze mode. Negativity bias looks for what’s wrong. Confirmation bias tries to prove we’re right. We go straight from what someone says…to our first automatic reaction. No pause. No time to think. Just a knee-jerk reaction. And that’s when conversations and relationships break down.
Later, many of us replay the interaction in our head, and we come up with better ways we could have responded. Why? Because we finally had time to think.
We already understand the benefit of pausing in written communication.
We edit texts and rewrite emails before sending them. We even re-record our voice messages. But in live conversations, when emotions are high, too often we rely on our untrained reactions.
But one simple process can change that unproductive and unhealthy reaction: Pause. Take a breath. Ask a question.
This simple process creates space for better responses in all our conversations, especially the most difficult ones.
Instead of making a comment we may regret, we can train ourselves to pause, take a breath and ask a question. This process helps us better understand the other person and their point of view. Instead of escalating the conflict with a statement, we lower the tension by inviting the other person to share more of their story. Instead of trying to win an argument, we look for common ground and better solutions.
One Shining Moment
If we choose to pause, breathe, and ask more questions in every interaction we can create more moments where someone feels heard and valued…instead of dismissed. We can create more moments where a relationship gets stronger…instead of breaking down. We can create more moments where we show up at our best…and help others do the same.
And when we turn this process into a habit…every conversation becomes an opportunity to help the people we lead and love have their own… “ONE SHINNNG MOMENT.”
Let's Get Better Together,
Bill Durkin, Founder
One Positive Place
