- 4 days ago
- 5 min read
The word artificial has become synonymous with progress.
We talk about Artificial Intelligence (AI) as a breakthrough, something that expands our capabilities, helps solve complex problems, and delivers answers faster than ever before.
Of course, AI isn’t perfect. It can be incomplete, biased, or even wrong. But at its best, it’s designed to seek patterns, surface insights, and help us make progress when solving a problem. Even when it misses, it’s still trying to find the truth.
However, there’s another kind of “artificial” quietly shaping our workplaces, families, and communities. And it does the exact opposite. It’s called Artificial Harmony (AH).
What Is Artificial Harmony?
The term was popularized by Patrick Lencioni in his book called The Five Dysfunctions of a Team. You can learn more about his work by visiting his website called The Table Group. https://www.tablegroup.com/product/dysfunctions/
Artificial Harmony is what happens when everything looks fine on the surface. No disagreement. No difficult conversations. No one pushing back. Just polite nods and safe responses like… “All good” … when asking someone how they feel.
Unfortunately, below the surface there are problems. It’s the team Zoom meeting where everyone agrees…but one person sends a negative message in a text to another person during the group call. It’s the hallway conversation between two people complaining about a third person on the team. It’s the family dinner where no one brings up what really matters because “we don’t want to start anything.”
That’s not harmony, it’s avoidance. And avoidance doesn’t strengthen relationships; it slowly weakens them. It turns silence into frustration, resentment, and creates distance between people who want or need to stay connected.
The Hidden Cost of “Keeping the Peace”
Artificial Harmony provides temporary relief in the moment.
But over time, it creates real damage:
Trust erodes – because people aren’t saying what they really think
Resentment builds – because issues never get addressed
Performance drops – because the best ideas never surface
Relationships weaken – because honesty disappears
In the workplace, family, and community this leads to emotional distance and poor decisions.
Why Do We Do It?
Because it feels safer. Artificial Harmony protects us from:
Unhealthy Conflict
Discomfort
Being judged or labeled as “difficult” or “negative”
We tell ourselves we’re being respectful and professional. But most of the time, we’re just being cautious and fearful.
Artificial Harmony also creates a Spillover Effect. Unresolved friction in the workplace doesn't stay at work; it follows us home, draining the mental bandwidth we need for our family. Conversely, the "polite silence" we maintain with a family member creates a hidden stress that follows us back to our workplace.
A Cure for Artificial Harmony
There are many things’ leaders can do to move from Artificial Harmony to Authentic Harmony, and we’ll cover several of them in the weeks ahead. For now, a great place to start is to develop the habit of making more requests and asking for promises.
Why? Because much of Artificial Harmony is created by being too polite. We don’t ask for what we really need. Many leaders in the workplace and family avoid being specific. Instead of saying: “Will you have this done by 5:00 PM today?” We say: “Can you get this done as soon as possible?” And when someone says… “I’ll try” …too often we accept their vague response.
In that moment, everyone feels comfortable. But nothing is clear and no commitment is really being made. And that’s a problem. Artificial Harmony thrives in vagueness. Authentic Harmony is built on clarity, commitment, and accountability.
You don’t have to change everything overnight. Just start with one relationship at work and/or with a family member. Think about something you want them to do. Instead of hinting…Instead of staying silent and hoping they do what you want…Make a clear request. Say what you need. Be specific. Ask the other person if they promise to do what you ask by the time you ask them to do it. And if they do make a promise hold them accountable for keeping their word.
Because when you ask someone to make a promise, you’re not putting pressure on them, you’re giving them clarity. And clarity benefits the other person more than we realize.
Research on clarity shows that when expectations are specific, people experience less stress and perform at a higher level. When people make a clear commitment and follow through, they also build credibility, feel a greater sense of progress, and strengthen their relationships.
As Teresa Amabile, a professor at Harvard Business School and one of the world’s leading researchers on motivation and workplace performance, found in her research, making progress on meaningful work is one of the most powerful drivers of engagement and satisfaction. Making clear requests and getting real promises helps the people we lead and love make that progress.
Requests and Promises
A request is a simple closed-ended question that asks, “Will you do X by Y?” For example, “Will you review this contract by 5:00 PM tonight?” Asking someone if they can get you something as soon as possible is not a request. You don’t even want to say, “Review it by the end of the day” because the time people end their day varies.
A promise is a simple yes or no response. Saying ‘I’ll try’ to a request is just an excuse to not do something right away. The other person can say ‘I’ll try’ and their intentions may be good, but they will not act with a sense of urgency. The leader making the request thinks the vague response was a commitment; and when they fail to meet the deadline, the leader gets upset and the other person gets frustrated because they never really promised to get it done, they only said “I’ll try.”
If someone answers your request with an ‘I’ll try’ statement, say something like: “I appreciate your willingness to try, but I need to know when you can promise to get the information to me.”
The first time you ask for a specific answer to your request, it might feel uncomfortable for both of you. Saying “I’ll try” is a habit. And like most habits, it takes time to change.
When you consistently ask for clarity, something important begins to happen. People start to understand what’s expected. They start to give real answers. And over time, they begin to trust each other because we are replacing vague, polite conversations with clear, honest ones. And when that happens, we don’t just get better results, we build relationships that are resilient, and built to last.
This week, I encourage you to create a little healthy conflict by making more requests and asking for more promises. The people around you need someone to help them move out of their conversation comfort zone and into Authentic Harmony.
You may get some resistance at first…but that’s a good thing. Because while Artificial Harmony feels comfortable in the moment, Authentic Harmony feels better over time. It builds trust, reduces stress, and gives people a sense of confidence in themselves, their team, and their family.
Let's Get Better Together,
Bill Durkin, Founder
One Positive Place
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