Whenever people work together, there will be differences of opinion, competing priorities, misunderstandings, mistakes, personality differences, and disagreements about what should and shouldn’t happen. However, disagreement isn't the problem. How we handle it is.

Too often, when tension first appears, we avoid the conversation. We hope the problem will go away, work itself out, or become easier to discuss later. Usually, it doesn't.

Small frustrations grow and assumptions replace conversations. We begin talking about each other instead of talking with each other. Trust declines, emotions rise, relationships suffer, and a relatively small disagreement can grow into an unhealthy conflict.

THE NUMBERS SHOULD GET OUR ATTENTION

The Society for Human Resource Management (SHRM), the world's largest professional association for human resources, continues to document the amount of incivility occurring in American workplaces.

Its 2026 research estimates that U.S. workers collectively experience or witness more than 100 million acts of workplace incivility every day. But another part of the research also deserves our attention.

Only 32% of employees said supervisors actively helped guide employees away from acts of incivility. At the same time, 36% said managers ignored acts of incivility, and 43% believed managers and supervisors could have done more to prevent it.

THE POWER OF ONE LEADER

The SHRM research makes one thing clear: leaders cannot afford to ignore the early warning signs of unhealthy conflict in their workplace, minimize its impact, or assume it will resolve itself.

Leaders will not always witness incivility firsthand. Sometimes they hear about it from an employee or recognize it through warning signs such as growing tension, declining performance, or a broken commitment.

Reducing unhealthy conflict ultimately depends on what leaders do when they first become aware of a concern. Do they begin a difficult conversation or avoid it?

A LABOR DAY THOUGHT

As we celebrate Labor Day this weekend, it is worth remembering that the history of labor in America includes periods of serious conflict between workers and management.

The Pullman Strike of 1894 is one dramatic example. What began with disputes over wages and working conditions grew into a nationwide railroad crisis involving more than 250,000 workers.

As tensions continued to rise, Congress acted quickly. In an effort to recognize American workers and ease growing tensions with the labor movement, it passed legislation making the first Monday in September a federal holiday. President Grover Cleveland signed it into law on June 28, 1894.

However, the gesture came too late to stop the crisis already in motion. Days after signing the legislation, President Cleveland sent federal troops to Chicago as the conflict continued to escalate. By then, the situation had grown far too large and complicated for any one leader or conversation to resolve.

But the power of one leader is not the ability to eliminate every conflict. It is the ability to influence how the next disagreement is handled.

Conflict can be healthy and productive. People can express different opinions, raise concerns, and disagree honestly while continuing to treat each other with respect. Instead of blaming or trying to defeat each other, they can work together to understand the problem and find a better way forward.

One leader can help move a difficult conversation in that direction. By listening in a way that helps another person feel heard, addressing grievances early, or clarifying a misunderstanding, a leader can prevent frustration from turning into resentment and help people work better together.

None of us can prevent every disagreement from escalating. But reducing unhealthy conflict is a skill and all of us can get a little better at addressing our differences before they damage important relationships in our workplaces, families, and communities.

IMPROVEMENT STARTS WITH PRACTICE

The first step in practicing this skill is becoming more aware of the difficult conversations we avoid.

We can start by noticing when we remain silent even though something important needs to be said, or when we’re just hoping a recurring problem will resolve itself.

Awareness creates choice. Once we recognize we’re avoiding a topic, we can choose to keep waiting or decide to start a positive conversation.

If you’re ready to practice this week, start small. Think of someone with whom you have a good relationship but also a minor disagreement or concern you have not addressed. Begin a conversation, not to prove who’s right, but to better understand the other person’s point of view and help them understand yours.

One conversation may not resolve a disagreement, but it can reduce tension, clarify a misunderstanding, and make a good relationship even better.

Let's Get Better. Together.

Bill Durkin, Founder

One Positive Place

https://www.opp-usa.com