Imagine deciding to train for a marathon on the morning of the race. You've read books about endurance. You've studied proper running techniques. You've watched other people cross the finish line. But you've never actually trained your body to run twenty-six miles.

We know how that race is likely to end.

No one would expect to run a marathon without training. Yet too many people expect to deal with life's biggest challenges without developing their resilience.

Resilience is our capacity to adapt, recover, learn, and keep moving forward through adversity, change, failure, loss and…become stronger because of the experience.

Practicing resilience means using the challenges, frustrations, disappointments, and setbacks we experience each day as opportunities to strengthen our ability to respond positively when things don't go the way we hoped or planned.

Here are three ways we can help people practice resilience today.

1. Practice Before it’s Needed

Resilience isn't something we suddenly turn on during a crisis. It's a capacity we build before the challenge arrives. As leaders, parents, and coaches, we have an opportunity every day to help the people around us strengthen theirs.

A coworker misses a deadline. A teammate makes a mistake. A family member doesn't do what they promised. Plans change. Something doesn't go the way someone hoped.

None of these situations is a major crisis. But each gives us an opportunity to help someone practice adapting, managing disappointment, and moving forward in a positive way

We can help people learn not to let a small frustration become a big problem by encouraging them to pause before reacting. Then help them separate what they can't control from what they can control and choose one positive action they can take to move forward.

Over time, pause, focus on what you can control, and move forward can become a habit they draw upon when bigger challenges arrive.

That doesn't mean ignoring problems or accepting poor behavior. It means helping people learn how to respond constructively when life doesn't go their way.

2. Stretch, Succeed and Sometimes Fail

We can also help people practice resilience by encouraging them to stretch beyond what they already know they can do. Resilience is not developed when someone stays in their comfort zone. 

Give people difficult assignments. Encourage them to develop new skills. Help them pursue goals where success and failure are possible but not guaranteed.

When they succeed, celebrate more than their victory. Have a conversation about the root cause of their success. Help them recognize the preparation, courage, effort, and persistence they showed that made their victory possible, so they walk away believing… “I can do difficult things.”

If they fail, have a conversation that helps them experience their disappointment, learn from what happened, adjust, identify new skills to develop, and encourage them to try again. Help them walk away believing… “It’s okay to fail, I’ll get stronger and keep going forward.”

Learning from success and failure builds confidence, competence, and resilience.

3. Be an Example

The most powerful way to help others practice resilience is to let them see it in us.

Employees notice how leaders respond when plans fall apart. Athletes notice how coaches respond to losses. Children notice how parents handle frustration, disappointment, and uncertainty.

They notice whether we complain or look for solutions. Whether we blame or take responsibility. Whether we give up or keep going. We can tell people how to be resilient or show them. 

Every challenge we face during the day is an opportunity to practice resilience and teach it at the same time.

Practice Resilience Today

We don't know what challenges the people around us will face tomorrow. We can't prevent every disappointment, remove every obstacle, or protect them from every failure. In fact, even if we could, doing so would prevent them from developing the resilience they'll need when bigger challenges arrive.

Our role is to help people develop the strength and confidence they need to manage difficulties when they show up. Then, if one of life's marathon-sized challenges eventually arrives, the people we lead and love won't start their training on the morning of the race. They'll have been practicing resilience every day.

Let's Get Better Together,

Bill Durkin, Founder

One Positive Place

https://www.opp-usa.com