Last week, we explored Robert Greenleaf's philosophy of servant leadership and his belief that the ultimate test of a servant leader is whether the people they serve grow as individuals.
This week let's explore one of the most important, and sometimes uncomfortable, ways we can help ourselves and others grow.
Developing the confidence to give and receive honest feedback.
We want to bring out the best in the people we lead and love. We want them to succeed, develop their talents, and become more confident and competent. Yet, when someone isn't meeting expectations, making mistakes, or demonstrating behaviors that need to change, many of us hesitate to speak up.
The problem isn't that people don't want honest feedback. It's that too often, we're reluctant to give it.
IF PEOPLE WANT HONEST FEEDBACK, WHY AREN'T THEY GETTING IT?
In research reported by Harvard Business Review, Jack Zenger and Joseph Folkman found that 72% of respondents believed their performance would improve if their managers provided corrective feedback. Their research also found that 44% of managers reported giving negative feedback was stressful or difficult. Gallup research found that only 23% of employees strongly agreed that their manager provided meaningful feedback.
Withholding honest feedback helps us avoid a difficult conversation today, but it can prevent someone from becoming better tomorrow.
SERVANT LEADERSHIP IS NOT SOFT LEADERSHIP!
Serving others doesn't mean protecting them from uncomfortable conversations. Sometimes, the most caring thing we can do is challenge someone on our team or in our family to become better.
Think about the people who have made the greatest difference in your life. They didn't just encourage you when you were doing well. They also cared enough to tell you when you needed to improve.
EVERYONE NEEDS HONEST FEEDBACK!
Imagine a coach who only praised players and never corrected their mistakes. Or one who waited until the end of the season to tell them what they needed to improve. Unfortunately, that's what happens in many workplaces when leaders save feedback for annual reviews or wait until problems become too serious to ignore.
Everyone has strengths to build on, blind spots to recognize, and opportunities to improve.
So, if honest feedback is so important, why aren't more leaders providing it? One reason is that some leaders lack confidence in their ability to have difficult conversations. They're concerned about how the other person will react. Will they become defensive? Will the conversation damage the relationship? Will it create more problems than it solves? So, they wait. They hope the problem will correct itself but that rarely happens.
How do we become more confident in our ability to give honest feedback?
Like any other skill, we get better when we prepare, practice, learn from our efforts, and try again.
In our Positive Conversations workshops, we teach a simple three-step feedback process that helps leaders become more confident and competent, giving honest feedback while helping the people they serve improve.
This process works both ways. We can invite our team members, colleagues, family members, or a coach to use the same process with us.
THE THREE - STEP POSITIVE FEEDBACK PROCESS
STEP 1. BUILD CONFIDENCE: Focus on what went well in the past.
ASK: "What are some things you did well last week?" Encourage them to tell stories about their accomplishments, not just a list of facts. Ask what they did, why it mattered, and how they felt. Recreating positive experiences can help people have more positive emotions and feel more confident. You can also ask how they can use their strengths more often.
SHARE: Build on what you heard and add your observations. Be specific about what they did well, why it mattered, and the positive difference it made. Share strengths they may have overlooked and how they can build on them.
STEP 2. BUILD COMPETENCE: Focus on getting better in the future.
ASK: "What do you want to improve next time?" Help them identify one specific, achievable improvement goal for the coming week or month. Ask why it's important to them. Keep the focus on what they can do better in the future. We can learn from the past, but we can't change it.
SHARE: Build on the improvement they identified. If necessary, share one additional behavior or skill you believe they need to improve…in the future. Giving corrective feedback on what someone did in the past may create defensiveness or discouragement because there is nothing they can do about it now. Be honest and specific about what needs to change and why.
STEP 3. BUILD COMMITMENT: Turn feedback into positive action.
ASK: "What are you willing to commit to doing next week/next month?" Then ask them to summarize what they've agreed to do in their own words. Listen carefully to determine whether they are truly committed, believe they can achieve the goal, and are willing to follow through.
SHARE: Build on what they summarized. Clarify anything that was misunderstood, add expectations if needed, and offer your support. If they seem hesitant, explore what's getting in the way. Make sure you both understand and agree on what will happen next.
BRINGING OUT THE BEST IN EVERYONE
One of the best ways to help others become more comfortable receiving honest feedback is to ask them to give honest feedback to us. When we invite others to help us recognize our strengths and blind spots, we demonstrate that getting better isn't just something we expect from them. It's something we're committed to ourselves.
Servant leadership requires both the confidence to challenge others to grow and the humility to let others challenge us. When we make these conversations a priority, we create relationships where people encourage, challenge, and help one another become better. That's how we bring out the best in everyone…including ourselves.
Who needs your honest feedback this week? Who’s honest feedback do you need?
Let's Get Better. Together!
Bill Durkin, Founder
One Positive Place
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